according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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