My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
