bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
