went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
