She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize