her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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