In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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