I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
