Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
