pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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