My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
