And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
