you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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