do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
