Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
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No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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