you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
