when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
