Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
