Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
