I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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