i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
