She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
