I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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