You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
