once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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