Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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