I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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