i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
