Yo dont text me then not text me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
