Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
