so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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