so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize