I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
