I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
