she was so not down for the gang bang
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
