I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
