I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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