if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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