Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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