sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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