Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
