You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
what day is it and did you see me today?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
