I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
