I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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