She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
