As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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