I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
