I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
