as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
