I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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