WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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