so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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