i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
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I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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