I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize