the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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