Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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