K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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