She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
