Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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