just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
