so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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