just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
