I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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