6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sorry about my life...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
