Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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