How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
