You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
