if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
