Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
