Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
