I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
