i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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