after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
