you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
