Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
