You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
