she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize