hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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